I’ve been awake since 1:30 this AM. It wasn’t really a bad thing just happens from time to time. For me the stillness in that hour allows me to meditate on things in my life that need attention or change. Without all of the daytime distractions I come up with some viable solutions and insight into my life as a whole. How I deal with difficult relationships, muscular dystrophy and everything that comes along with it and issues with my sons.
The thoughts that came in the forefront of this episode of insomnia was the way I squander my time. I tend to procrastinate and waste time quite often playing computer games and such. Needless to say, I don’t feel I have the luxury of time to waste. I set a goal for myself to organize my time better. Another big issue is the fact that I’m on tube-feeding and pretty much gave up on the possibility of eating again. I based that assumption on ‘medical professional’s’ that have tried to help me to eat telling me that I might choke to death and much to my detriment I believed them. But I’ve since taken a different viewpoint and believe now that I may have given up too soon. I decided to make one more attempt at eating solid food before the end of 2012, on my own. I won’t get hung up on deadlines, time frames or expectations of my attempt.
So these are the top 2 of my goals or new year’s resolutions, if you will; my success or failure in my plans will depend largely on my belief that I can or can’t accomplish them. I believe they are attainable.